As published in The Florida Villager
We have all had one. The man that sweeps you off your feet and takes your breath away, only to change from one day to the next leaving you in a perpetual state of confusion. Are you going crazy? No, my lovesick friend, you have just encountered an emotionally unavailable man.
A man who is emotionally unavailable cannot connect emotionally or commit. He is not able to give you what you want, won’t be all in and not there for you emotionally or physically. He is just not present. This can be due to various reasons and his unavailability could be situational or chronic but here’s the thing, Ladies. There are plenty of men out there that will want to be with you, so do you really want to take on a project? You will start to see the signs early on so don’t overlook the red flags. Face the disappointment sooner than later. The more you make excuses and the longer you wait to end it, the more you are jeopardizing your heart.
Here are the signs.
- He shows signs of low self-confidence.
- You never know when you will see him next or when he will call. He is in control and calling the shots on when you see each other.
- He tells you that he is not good at relationships and or doesn’t want to get married.
- He can’t talk about feeling or the relationship.
- He doesn’t want to be inconvenienced or his routine messed with.
- His words do not align with his actions.
- Doesn’t like PDA.
- Doesn’t consider you when plans are being made.
- He won’t leave things at your place.
- He doesn’t include you with family or friends. Makes little effort to blend lives.
- He does just enough to keep hope afloat. He gives very little of his time, money and his energy. You are left feeling completely exhausted. Hours will pass before you receive a phone call or text back.
- He doesn’t make an effort to meet your desires- request to go on vacation, bring flowers, dine at a certain restaurant.
- He creates a distance by various methods. You feel like you can never get close to him.
- There is this sense that you two are never on the same page.
- Your anxiety level is off the charts. You spend too much time trying to figure him out and what the heck is going on in this relationship.
- He has most assuredly changed but continues to say everything is fine. Crazy Making!
- You feel rejected, unimportant, confused, depressed, frustrated, angry, off balance and on a perpetual roller coaster.
- He avoids conflict like the Bubonic Plague.
- Makes you feel like you want “too much.”
- Pushes you to break up. If you don’t do it, he will hang in there till you do.
- Do not confuse sex with attachment or be fooled because he says, “I love you.” Remember sign #6
Listen to the reasons he gives for the break ups in his past. Guaranteed the dots will start to connect. If you are dating an emotionally unavailable man, cut bait and walk away. You cannot change or convert him. The toll it will take to even try is not worth it. Pull up your Big Girl panties and let him go!