There’s Always Tomorrow

As published in The Florida Villager

Let me start off by saying, “Not really.” We hope that there is and we go to bed every night expecting to see dawn break but the reality is, we are not guaranteed another day. “How does this relate to divorce?” you ask. Well, because divorce sets us back emotionally, financially and physically plus we are starting over, which is daunting at best. When we start feeling over whelmed it is so easy to put things off till tomorrow. Whether they are important things or self-improvements or adventures we want to take, we tend to use ”When I get back on my feet” or “When all this calms down” as a bar for us to start living our new life.

The cold hard facts are that I see clients everyday that have been divorced for several years and things have still not calmed down, they may not be back on their feet (by their standards) and they continue to put their lives on hold. Time and new memories are passing them by and still they wait.

The lesson in all of this is that there will always be setbacks, some more impactful than others and if we keep waiting for the stars to be aligned and everything in order, well, we will be leaving this world with quite a number of regrets. Perfection does not exist!

The goal here is to do our best each day, to keep putting one foot in front of the other, to prioritize what needs to be taken care of for the divorce itself, to tend to our children’s needs as well as our own and to not fall prey to the waiting game. Just because you are going through a divorce doesn’t mean you can’t go and have fun or plan next year’s vacation. Make a list of all that you want to do now that your new life is taking shape. Don’t wait until your ex stops harassing you or you lose those ten pounds, do things NOW.

I will be candid with you, it’s not easy trying to move on when your heart is broken, finances are scarce or your children are upset over the divorce but it is a whole lot healthier than sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself, writing doomsday stories in your head and eating bon bons.

I’ve heard people describe divorce as a death of a marriage; I chose to see my own divorce, as painful as it was, as an ending that I knew was ultimately good for me. Your Book of Life is made up of many chapters and divorce is one of them. If you view it as a death, than it will be. If you view it as the ending of something leading you to a better chapter, than that is what will materialize and with each new chapter are tons of new experiences just waiting to be found. However, you will not find them if you allow your mantra to be, “There’s always tomorrow.” Make today your tomorrow and start living your life, as imperfect as it may seem at the moment, because perfection is only an illusion.

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