As published in The Florida Villager.
Divorce and the Special Needs Child
A divorce comes with many challenges but they are truly magnified when the family has a child with special needs. There is so much to consider, not just pertaining to the home situation, but also school. The key is to have a plan in place before you begin the divorce process. The following tips are geared towards high functioning autistic children.
HOME
- Use a picture book about divorce to guide discussion
- Monitor the child’s frustration level
- Make transitions as smooth as possible from house to house
- Keep household rules the same at each house
- If working with incentives, keep them the same at each house
- Work with a co-parenting coach who has experience with HFA children
- Hire an attorney that has experience with special needs
- If needed, have your child see a therapist trained in special needs
- Be aware the child’s anxiety will escalate
- Work on the parenting plan with someone who understands HFA children
- If needed, get a guardian ad litem to advocate for the child
- Keep caregivers the same
- Equip both homes with a set of books and school supplies
- Encourage extracurricular activities
- Have a visual visitation calendar in the child’s room that shows with pictures the days the child will be with mom or dad and activities
- Use the tools of scripting and/or cartooning
- Take care of your own needs
SCHOOL
- Meet with the school counselor and teachers to notify them of the divorce and go over possible resources
- Monitor the child’s frustration level
- Review classroom setup to insure child is sitting in the best possible place to feel secure
- Discuss having a “social buddy” or aide
- Have ongoing communication with the teacher about home and school behaviors
- Brainstorm how transitions will be handled in the classroom
RESOURCES
- www.autismspeaks.org
- www.myaspergerschild.com
- www.iidc.indiana.edu/irca
- www.carautismroadmap.org/divorce-custody-and-asd
- www.sesamestreetincommunities.org/topics/divorce/
- www.aaml.org
- [search: “best practices in handling family law cases involving children with special needs]
Remember, consistency, support, reassurance and love will be the keys to help your child navigate this difficult time for him/her.