As published in The Florida Villager
Why is it that when things go wrong in a relationship we feel this overwhelming need, compulsion to understand? “I could let it go if I only understood why he/she left me.” “It would be easier to let go if he/she would only explain why he/she cheated on me.” The need to understand is actually a form of control. You want to feel in control of the situation, and what will make you feel in control is an explanation, an understanding.
Well, that’s great if one explanation will placate you, but what I have found is that one explanation always leads to another question. It turns into a bottomless pit. So how does one move past needing to understand? One word and one word only – acceptance.
To be able to just accept that the relationship/marriage is over without that nagging need to understand would bring you such peace. Accept that you might not understand everything in life and that is OK. To accept things as they are at face value and deal with what is before you without all the angst would be a gift.
You are not always going to get an answer and, if you do, it might not be honest or you might not understand it. Are you going to go through life always feeling like there is unfinished business, or are you just going to accept it for what it is, turn that page, and not let yourself be controlled by something that you have no control over?
Acceptance is one of the hardest words in divorce but one of the easiest to deal with if you believe in a higher power. To deeply believe that all things work for your good, that there is a purpose for everything, and all is as it should be will give you one of the best gifts ever – freedom.
Do yourself a favor, stop putting so much effort into understanding why someone did something, and put the focus on understanding yourself. Control comes in many forms. It can be overtly and self-imposed as in the case of trying to understand someone else’s actions. Take back control of your new life by simply accepting. And remember, karma does exist.