As published in The Florida Villager.
Knowledge vs Wisdom
Let me ask you, do you know the difference between knowledge and wisdom and how they both can influence the outcome of your divorce? Both are essential but what will impact your divorce the most is how you utilize each one. If not used in conjunction with one another, it will be a setup to a hard fall.
Knowledge is what you know and wisdom is what you do with that knowledge. Here is a perfect example. A stay at home mom finds out her husband is cheating (knowledge). She has been home with the kids for 15 years, hasn’t been overly involved in the family’s finances and knows nothing about divorce. The emotional side of her wants to confront him. The wisdom side would be to get those emotions in check, get a clear picture on the finances and do her research on divorce. So many times I have had clients that let their emotions take over, it gets ugly, the husband moves out and the battle begins without the wife not being prepared. Passwords get changed overnight, bills don’t get paid, etc. and the wife has created a huge problem because wisdom did not prevail.
In going through a divorce there are decisions that have to be made every day, so I tell my clients before they do or say anything, step back, take a deep breath and ask yourself this question, “Is what I’m about to say or do going to get me closer or further from my goal?” Here is another example of knowledge vs wisdom. A couple is at the end of their divorce negotiations and the husband is emotionally fried and just wants to move on. He finds out that the wife has money stashed in a friend’s account. The law says that it’s marital money and he is entitled to half of that (knowledge). He is angry and even though it’s not a lot of money, he wants to show her that she cannot get away with it. However, to pursue that path would cost him more money and completely drain him emotionally. He decides that getting even isn’t worth prolonging the divorce because his goal is to finish up and move on (wisdom).
Are you getting the drift here? Knowing when and if to use knowledge in a divorce is crucial and most of the time it is the person’s emotions that drive that decision. If you are in the midst of something as earth shattering as a divorce, it is hard to be objective so it’s imperative you surround yourself with people who can be. Listen to your attorney when he says something might not be in your best interest to pursue. Start working with a divorce coach who can keep you focused on the bigger picture and please weed out your friends and family who are giving you advice based on their own emotions.
Divorce is grueling emotionally and it seems to take forever when you are going through it, however, it really is but a blip on your life’s screen. How you handle it and navigate the emotions against the actions will set the tone for the rest of your life with family, friends, your children and your ex. Don’t forget, if you have children, you will be dealing with your ex on some level. Use wisdom!