What We Can Learn From Celebrity Divorces

As published in Muses and Visionaries Magazine

Their names are splashed across every media outlet and are the topic of conversation over coffee and drinks. You open the paper in the morning only to see one more “idyllic” marriage fall by the wayside. As a society, we tend to become emotionally invested in the image of celebrities. I say “image” because that is what it is; at the end of the day they are just like us and not immune to the trials and tribulations of human life.

Instead of getting caught up in the gossip of these divorces, I wish people would start looking at how these divorces are being handled and learn from them. Gossiping does not equate with garnering insight. Here are some lessons I have learned from the majority of them as there are some couples who prefer to keep their split on the down low.

  • Try to keep it as private as possible. Airing your dirty laundry is not attractive to either party.
  • Using your children as pawns is deplorable. Safe guarding your children’s feelings and love for both parents is tantamount.
  • End your marriage with dignity and integrity which translates into not letting your new paramour move in with you or being on a cover of a magazine depicting a family unit with “the other woman.” It’s insensitive, unnecessary and only serves to make you look like a jerk.
  • And my all-time favorite is not jump into another relationship without taking the time to figure out what caused the demise of the marriage, evaluate yourself and do the work to heal. If you skip this step, which I see so many celebrities do, you will not be able to make better choices in the future.

The biggest lesson that is constantly reinforced in these celebrity breakups can be summed up to a lack of mindfulness. All of the above would not be on the radar if couples could approach divorce in a mindful way. Divorce needs to be about healing and not just splitting assets. It can be a time to course correct your life but only if you go about it not in a mindless fashion.

Don’t go into full combat mode when your spouse tells you it’s over; go into mindful divorce mode. Separate your reactionary emotions i.e.; fear, anger, resentment and revenge and work from the concept of how do you want this to play out for yourself, your kids, family and friend? Write it down. Don’t start construing a story that puts the blame on the other person. It makes dealing with all this easier but it also robs you of growth and transformation. Be in the present moment and try to see things from the others viewpoint and non judgmentally. By doing this, you are not responding to things based on fear and hurt. Being reactionary is mindless and unfortunately, divorce is built on many reactionary moments.

Divorce can be a sad, confusing and disappointing event in your life but when divorcing mindfully, you will walk through this journey with inner peace and less trauma for your children.

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