As published in Carolina Compass newspaper
When going through a divorce and dealing with the aftermath, it seems we are just on autopilot, doing what needs to be done, mindlessly walking through the days and weeks. Our daily goal is just to get from sunrise to sunset with as little frustration as possible. Each day we are faced with having to make a multitude of choices and each one is as significant as the one before.
In Debbie Ford’s book, The Right Questions, she discusses the importance of asking yourself ten questions before you say or do something. By being mindful and reflecting on these questions based on what God tells us and consequently the answers, you will be making decisions for the right reasons which will only push you in the right direction and with less frustration. In order for things to work in your favor, you must first ask the right questions.
I’m not suggesting that by asking the right questions, the decision will be easy or without fraught but at least you will not be second guessing your choices. You will enter onto your path with conviction and know that you are making this decision for all the right reasons. Moving forward, I encourage you to keep Debbie Ford’s ten questions in the forefront of your mind and how they relate to what God says about making choices. They are:
- Will this choice propel me toward an inspiring future or will it keep me stuck in the past? James 1:5, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”
- Will this choice bring me long-term fulfillment or will it bring me short-term gratification? Proverbs 26:11, “Like a dog that returns to its vomit is a fool who repeats his folly.”
- Am I standing in my power or am I trying to please another? Proverbs 10:9, “He who walks in integrity walks securely but he who perverts his ways will be found out.”
- Am I looking for what’s right or am I looking for what’s wrong? Philippians 4:8, “Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”
- Will this choice add to my life force or will it rob me of my energy? Proverbs 16:25, “There is a way which seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.”
- Will I use this situation as a catalyst to grow and evolve or will I use it to beat myself up? Proverbs 16:9, “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”
- Does this choice empower me or does it disempower me? Proverbs 21:5, “The plans of the diligent lead surely to advantage, but everyone who is hasty comes surely to poverty.”
- Is this an act of self-love or is it an act of self-sabotage? Proverbs 14:1, “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.
- Is this an act of faith or is it an act of fear? Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.”
- Am I choosing from my divinity or am I choosing from my humanity? James 4:7, “Submit yourselves them to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”
Choosing to think this way is a very mindful approach to making decisions instead of being reactionary which doesn’t always lead to the best outcome. If we take the time to ask ourselves these questions and reflect on God’s word, it keeps our decisions in line with what is best for us instead of fighting against it. It raises our consciousness level to truly realize that our choices today affect our tomorrows.
The Right Questions by Debbie Ford is a book worth having in your personal library to read and reread until it becomes your way of life.