As published on Huffington Post
The other day I came across my journals from when I was going through my divorce. It was a very sad, contentious, stressful and emotionally taxing time as evidenced by the words I read on those pages. I remembered some, but not all, that I had written seven years before. It’s funny how time has a way of erasing some of those painful moments, but in those journals I also found wisdom, which I want to share with you in the hope that it will help ease you down your path.
From someone who has been there, done that, got the t-shirt and at times stayed for dinner, here it goes.
– Divorce needs to be about healing, not just splitting assets.
– Write down your fears post divorce and then their solutions.
– Work on being open to see others’ point of view, including your children’s.
– Use divorce to course correct the rest of your life.
– Being in the present moment was never more important than now.
– Don’t respond to things based on your fears or hurts. Be non judgmental and don’t take things personally.
– Don’t be reactionary. Take a deep breath and look at the bigger picture before responding.
– Divorce is not black and white.
– If you write a story where all the blame goes on the other person, you are robbing yourself of tremendous growth.
– Divorce can become mindless if you let your ego take over. Stay in control.
– Make the most of the cards you were dealt. Don’t be hard on yourself.
– ALL of this is time limited.
– Find ways to lessen your daily load. Perfection is out the window.
– Do the things you enjoy.
– Happiness is something we ourselves generate, not our circumstances.
– Let go of things. Let go of mindsets or a belief system that no longer serves you. Let go of all the “should’s” you have encountered in your life.
– Mother’s guilt is alive and well and living in your mind if you let it.
– Your children will always love you and this is not a competition.
– Stop worrying about what people have to say. They are not living your life.
– Your family structure has changed, so redefine it and stop struggling to keep it the same. It has changed, so change with it.
– And last, but certainly not least, is that there is hope for a newness that will light up your soul, that the sun will shine down on you again and you will feel it, that there is still love out there to experience and when you reach the other side of your divorce, you WILL be singing the Hallelujah chorus.