Debbie Does Divorce: The May Column

As published in The SunSentinel

Help, my ex-husband’s former girlfriend will not stop stalking me on Twitter. I got divorced about four years ago and then all of a sudden, my ex’s female friend started following my tweets and commenting on everything I post. In the beginning, I was nice to her but then she kept private messaging me personal things about my ex husband. I told her she was making me uncomfortable and that I didn’t want to talk with her. Now, she’s admitting to me she’s been in love with him all these years (they were friends since college) and she wants me to try to get him together with her! I am so freaked out. I want nothing to do with him or her. I blocked her on my twitter page and then she got really angry at me and started posting really mean things about me on her page. I contacted twitter and they told me while I can block her, I can’t really stop her from writing my name on her page. How do I get away from this mess and move forward just like I’ve been trying to?

I don’t blame you for being freaked out. Clearly this is a case of the lights being on but nobody is home. For this woman to ask you to set her up with your ex is extremely inappropriate, so it’s time to take a hard line with this woman. Write her an email in which you state that you do not want any further contact with her nor do you want your name mentioned anywhere. Also, that you hope that this email will put a stop to what you consider harassment and that no further action will have to be taken. If she continues, have a consultation with an attorney to see what can be done moving forward. You have a right to leave your past in the past and to do whatever is necessary to give you that peace of mind.

My soon to be ex wife is outraged that I am dating. We have been separated for 6 months and just waiting for the final stamp. Would it be inappropriate to introduce my girlfriend to my kids?

This is a judgment call based on your particular circumstances. If this is a woman you have been dating for awhile, your children know you have been dating and are ok with it, then you can introduce her. If your children are not ok with you dating right now for whatever reason, perhaps the better course of action is to wait till it’s final and then readdress it with your kids. They might not be ready for another big change in their lives. Your children are the deciding factor here, not your soon to be ex wife. Some children just want their parents to be happy and don’t mind meeting the girlfriend, some, not so much. Keep talking with your children as dating can be a sensitive issue. You might be feeling impatient to move on with your life but moving on the right way is more important than “just moving on”.


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