Steps to Creating a New Life

As published in The Florida Villager

2019 is right around the corner and everyone is making their New Year’s resolutions but if you’re getting divorced or have already crossed that threshold, you need to make more than resolutions. You need to create a whole new life!

The divorce is final, papers signed and now you get to move on with your life. Sounds matter-of-fact but let’s put some thought into this. In front of you is a clean slate. How are you going to go about creating a life that you are in love with? Not one that is “okay,” but one that fills you with excitement when you wake up each morning.

Here are some action steps:

  1. Make peace with your past and your present. No one can be happy in a new life when they are dragging the past behind them. Accept what has happened. You are meant to be where you are so embrace the present.
  2. List the things that are stressing you out and brainstorm how to lessen those stressors. Which ones are self-imposed? So many of the things that stress us are created internally. Worry will rob you of the present and impair your health. Taking Dr. Osler’s advice of “living in day-tight compartments” would serve us all well.
  3. Change your perspective. See the glass full, not half full but all the way full!
  4. Explore what makes your heart sing and how you can do more of it. Happiness comes from within but sometimes you have to create it. Not by shopping or getting lost in the party scene because that is only a quick, temporary fix. You need to take stock with what makes your heart sing and do more of it.
  5. What have you done in the past to sabotage your happiness and how are you going to correct it? Ah, good old sabotage. We have all done it, sometimes unconsciously and usually out of some fear. Look back at times when things did not work out and see if there is a pattern. Be aware of them and strategize how to correct them.
  6. Be 150% clear on what you want out of your new life. How do you want your personal life to look? Do you need a change of scenery? What types of people do you want to surround yourself with? And then commit it all to paper.
  7. What are the obstacles to you achieving your new life? How can you overcome them? Take the time to really work this one through. We all have obstacles but very few people take the necessary step to clarify them and come up with solutions. This is an important step. 
  8. Do you want a relationship again? If so, what type: long-term, casual, marriage? What behaviors do you need to change moving forward? Are you too critical? Do you ignore red flags and your gut? Do you continue to stay too long once you know that you are a mismatch? Take inventory of past relationships and see if there are any patterns.
  9. Strive for balance. People don’t put enough emphasis on balance in their life. You always have to be mindful of this. Are you getting enough exercise and down time to rejuvenate? Are you hanging around more people that drag you down as opposed to uplifting you?
  10. Have gratitude. Being thankful for the little things will bring you bigger things to be thankful for. Zig Ziglar says, “Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.”

Readers, here is my New Year’s gift to you. The first 5 people that take the time to do all the above and commit it all to paper, I will give you a free hour session to review it all with you. I want everyone to have the best life possible but it is your choice and only you can put that ball in motion. Have a happy and safe holiday season!

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